TOEFL作文求批改

TOEFL作文求批改

1行could --can,2行give--gives，fuel后加which 3行proves--prove 4行正确 5行admit--admits
6行think---thinks，dioxide后加which 7.行 think--thinks 8行 fuels--fuel，去掉is 9行 place-places 10行正确 11行 agree--agrees，which--who，think--thinks 12正确 13 continue后加to 14行 fuels--fuel 15行正确 16行 grow--grows，its cost will---will the cost，for--by，
compare---compared 17行正确 18行去掉is，去掉about 19行 正确

托福作文求批改

the bulk of students ：bulk好像一般形容体积吧..就算可以这么说也不应该是用the吧，a bulk of
When they choose thecollege to go, most students’ heeds are on the quality of the university’seducation. And I think to enhance....：首先前面最好改成the college they want to go,后半句没看懂你在说啥。后面这句把and去掉，句号后面不能这么接（在正式考试中不行，平时这么用可以）
Universities can build a more sophisticated lab, equip the classroomwith advanced facilities and so on. 这里的a more sophisicated lab最好改成more sophisticated labs,然后逗号后面加个and，facilities后面加个逗号。
But if they do not raise the sage of theprofessors：应该是wage吧
all these attempts will not work because, in the first place：这边断句有问题。应该是....will not work. Because in the first place
onlyby increasing the salaries of professors can they be able to be more dedicatedto the teaching.这里第一个they最好改成universities，不然有点指代不清。然后你第二个they指的是教授？也改成professor。把be more去掉。
Currently, the necessary things’ pricesare all rising up,which makes it very hard...：这边好奇怪= =这样说会好一点：Currently, the price of necessities is higher and higher, making it very hard...
based onthis, only when the professors have enough money can they be more devoted tothe teaching and...：这边明显和前面重复了啊= =换个方式说一下
看完了。大致改了一下
恩
有个比较严重的整体性问题就是你的论点只有一个：教授工资不够 这在考试中很难拿到高分 而且你还没有举例 不够specific
稍微注意一下~我觉得至少两个论点
托福作文结构大致应该是：
开头
第一个论点
第二个
（第三个）
结尾段

TOEFL作文求批改。

供参考
取消括弧内的字
Many people, believing that sports can only (provide people) provide people with good health and relaxation, maintain that they cannot teach people anything. However, I am in favor of the statement that athletic activities teach us a lot in various aspects.
For instance, sports help us learn about unity. To demonstrate it we can take the football game as an example. The success of a football team depends on how well teammates perform the strategy and how harmonious the cooperation (between) among the members is. If one totally plays alone and never gives another person a single chance to perform in football match, he or she will definitely get exhausted and fail to win, ruining the unity of the team. Thus, we can see from this scenario that only by collaboration will the teammates hold the same goal and then work well to pursue their dream.
Moreover, persistence, another significant element which determines win or loss, is usually what people gain by doing sports. For example, marathon is known as one of the most popular extreme races that challenge human limitation
both physically and mentally. Without (persevering) persisting, one must fail half of the way and receive nothing but regret. I (have) had once (been practicing) practised long-distance running three years ago for my High School Entrance Examinations. I could still recall the time when I ran three thousand miles every day after school, just for training my physical ability. (No matter) No matter whether it was in downpour or (sunschorch) under the scorching sun , (freeze or high) or at a freezing or high temperature, never did I give up running. After all of the torture, I got full scores in the sports examinations and a strong spirit that would not be easily defeated by (setback) setbacks. If we can insist on every task (happens) happening in our life, we will surely succeed at last.
Additionally, sports teach us not to care excessively about the result. (To say another word) In other words, the progress in which we develop ourselves
and obtain friendship is more valuable than a gold medal. It was in last summer when I (go) took tennis training with my best friend Yoyo. At the beginning we (went to tennis matches) took part in mixed doubles matches as (double) partners and enjoyed lying on the tennis court together after training. Nevertheless, getting improved far more quickly than she did, I was not satisfied with just playing in double any more so I asked my coach (to attend match and to train separately) for separate training for single matches. To my surprise, he said〃 You've lost (what) the real pleasure of sport〃. It suddenly dawned on me that I had paid too much attention to win but ignored my pleasure and friendship.
There is definitely no lack of learning opportunity when we are doing sports, but it is us who sometimes lack the awareness to grab it. Sports can teach us more than we imagine if we keep in mind to study at any time.

托福作文求批改～～～

别的不用看，你最后的结尾就跑题了，人家问的是education，你最后把education 换成university了，总体感觉，你用的词汇都太低级，像什么useful happy can之类的应该全换了，换成高级词汇~~意思倒是挺明确的，应该提高词汇量，建议第一段，找个模板试试

toefl作文求批改

这是更好的，具有挑战性的计划aboutone未来或实际计划的未来？随着现代社会的发展，人们在未来的竞争willface更多。在这个时候，比以往任何时候都扮演着一个具有挑战性的计划undeniablerole在每个人的生活，这是哪里，就产生了争议。Somebelieve，具有挑战性的计划，显着不遗余力的造福人类toachieve它。同时，那些不同意引用，切实可行的计划aremore目前我们的宝贵。在与我的任期，前者是morefavorable的。首先，挑战计划motivatepeople更加努力地工作。有一个具有挑战性的计划的人常常感到的抑制asense，他们知道的唯一途径下车强烈的感觉ISTO工作很难有一个光明的未来。生活丰富了，达哥，suchcases谁是我的室友，有一个远大的理想，是成为areputable科学家，是一个勤奋的学生的数量。他不会去直到12o'clock到床上，只是审查和获得新的知识。因此，一个人achallenging计划将鼓励自己把他们的心投入到工作中。It'schallenging，促使人们有一个更难的工作计划。此外，人们可以得到完成具有挑战性的计划后，一个betterpayback。在一般情况下，bossesabsolutely欣赏的人员有有意义的目标。因此，根据我的经验，他们一定会得到更多的工资比以前。彼得·彼得let'stake经验作为实例，希望是经理ofmarking的。他把他的工作的巨大压力。2个月后，他取得hisdream，并得到更同意支付比他还只是一个普通职员。Finishingchallenging计划能够真正为人们提供一个令人满意的reward.Last但不implementchallenging计划至少为人们提供很大的成就感。我们可以举一个例子Tim'sstory，Tim是，步进作出的决定，是KOD（继续跳舞）bestdancer。他采取了一切努力在theperiod比赛前练习跳舞。因此，他很高兴通知时，hewas最好波普尔。下面是另一个例子，回声，谁是preparingfor的校长职业是一名教师。在许多学校，他没有得到theprofession。他具体地认为，他能力是aheadmaster，他一直在寻找他的理想就业。最终，a大学钦佩他的信誉的领导，蒂姆被聘用。添onthe是世界之巅后的一系列强硬发生。这是一个伟大的的意义ofachievement完成具有挑战性的计划，给所有people.All，它具有挑战性的计划，aremore有益的。我坚持认为，会有越来越多的人在未来havechallenging方案。
这是我自己翻译的，有许多错字，不分段。

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